Language as an Expression of Culture

Sometimes speaking another culture’s language can actually worsen misunderstanding.

My Language Background

I get how that may sound, but as a foundation let’s just establish that I do speak other languages - namely Portuguese and Spanish. I lived in Central America for a year, and have worked profesionally as a Portuguese interpreter. In fact, Portuguese is the primary language I speak with my wife and son!

However, I’ve recently come to a surprising conclusion: I don’t truly speak Portuguese. Not really. At least, not in the way that matters most.

The Illusion of Understanding

There’s a dangerous thing that happens in the human mind when we gain knowledge - we start to feel as though we have understanding.

My experience, as a bilingual American in a bilingual family, is that having an excellent knowledge of grammar, vocabulary, and pronunciation is not always sufficient to understand or be understood on a heart level.

The “You’re Just Like Us!” Trap

I’ve heard it many times, and I’m sure my international friends can relate:
“Nossa, você é um brasileiro!” (“Wow, you’re such a Brazilian!”)
or
“Wow! You’re so American!”

These things are usually said when some cultural practice or colloquial expression is successfully imitated, giving the impression that the imitator is somehow a natural part of the group, and implying further cultural similarity.

While well-meaning, they imply a cultural similarity that may not be quite real. I used to love these affirmations, enjoying the feeling of belonging. Now, I actually reject them - often to the consternation of my friends.

Can We Ever Truly Be “The Same”

Here’s the truth as I see it: I can never be ‘Brazilian’, and a Brazilian can never be ‘American’. In fact, both the American and Brazilian experiences within themselves are so wildly diverse, that even the foundation of the discussion is largely in error. What does it even mean to be ‘American’ or ‘Brazilian’?

A group of people is typically united by a shared culture, language, and experience. In fact, we are formed by these things. Our self-identity, our values, and the way that we process the world are like a fabric woven together from these elements. We even find different ways to express our personality based on these things.

Even at a high level, America is a not a homogenous unit. Did you know, for example:

• 14.3% of people living in the U.S. were not born here? census data
• 21.7% speak a language other than English at home, 13.3% of which is accounted for by Spanish? Pew Research Center
• 3 out of 10 U.S. adults live in low-income households, while 2 out of 10 live in upper-income households? census data

I acknowledge that within a country we often have some sense of a shared culture and experience. There is something that we feel generally unites us.

In most countries of the world, for example, you will find immigrant communities within them; immigrants typically do not assimilate into a culture within their lifetime. It is often (not always - of course) the children of the children of the immigrant who first experience life as a complete insider within a culture. This is because it’s usually much easier to connect with people from our own culture - even accounting for our differences.

When we assume that we understand someone - simply because their mouth makes the same sounds as ours, or because they participate in similar cultural events - we can cause significant misunderstanding.

When I meet someone who grew up in another culture - and this could also apply to someone with significantly different experiences within a single culture - I might as well be meeting an alien from another planet as far as it relates to the way we process the world.

Cultural Misunderstandings in Action

Let’s get real with some examples. These represent fundamental worldviews formed by experience - they don’t change easily.

• Your friend’s car gets stolen. You suggest he report the theft to the local police, but he’s hesitant because he believes the police might be in on it - they might even betray him to the thief!
• You’re in a mixed cultural group. Although you are all speaking the same language, you notice that people from some cultures seem to be ‘dominating’ the conversation by speaking loudly and interrupting, while people from some other cultures are getting upset as they patiently wait their turn to speak
• You are invited to a party. You say “I’d love to, but I can’t make it - sorry!“. Your friend feels hurt
• You and your friend walk into the grocery store to buy milk. Your friend immediately asks for help from an employee without bothering to look
• You invite your friends over for a birthday party at 5. You got everything ready in time, but by 6 the food is cold and your friends haven’t showed up
• You encourage your 26-year-old friend to move out of his parents’ home, creating unexpected tension
• You get sick while travelling abroad. It seems everyone you know has a different home remedy for your illness. You feel frustrated that no one can explain how their remedies actually work, and your friends are put off by your resistance to their care

The Paradox

We must learn someone’s language to communicate with them. But true communication runs deeper than grammar.
To truly connect with people, we must learn to understand and be understood while also acknowledging our lack of understanding.